Share the same boat

Just got a friend's email telling me all about her routine, explaining why could she not call me over the weekend, asking the best time to call again, telling about her worries of job and studies and suddenly I stopped reading....she mentioned that she was really worried as she'd been unable to contact Brian......
How strange....we both share the same boat and I can't tell her that I am worried too...been in a state of endless misery just because I've also been unable to reach or hear anything from Brian....

Our Brians are not the same but we both need to have a touch with them. I wish both of us the best of luck for Brians.

I don't care

She added that we must be prepared to spend long periods apart. Each of us would work in a different country, but true love could withstand such a separation.

That was the only time I dared to ask her: "why do you love me"?

She replied: "I don't know and I don't care."

The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho

We Who were Executed

It's true - that not to reach you was fate -
but who'll deny that to love you
was entirely in my hands?
So why complain if these matters of desire
brought me inevitably to the execution grounds?

Why complain? Holding up our sorrows as banners,
new lovers will emerge
from the lanes where we were killed
and embark, in caravans, on those highways of desire.
It's because of them that we shortened the distance of sorrow,
it's because of them that we went out to make the world our own,
we who were murdered in the darkest lanes.

Faiz Ahmed Faiz.....translated by Agha Shahid Ali

Of Emergency

I was at airport this morning waiting for the flight to board and trying to get some wireless internet signal but was having no success....and just when the passengers were asked to board the plane, my laptop caught some signals and at that critical moment, I thought to have a look at BBC website to see what was new in the news....and may be this was not a good idea!!!!
The main page hit me with a shock - "emergency in Pakistan"....for a nano-second my mind blew off.....but then what else I could have expected from a military person. I know, I admit, my first feeling was to cry....I really felt tears coming towards my eyelids....I felt a real pain deep inside....and even now when I am writing this blog, I can feel, I am being emotional again.....I ask, why, why, why they had to do this? why don't they just leave my country as my country? why are they humiliating the constitution? Is it not their country??
I was coming to CA for a weekend, was very excited for my trip but suddenly all I could feel was just pain.....I got my seat, it was besides window....I kept looking outside and suddenly the lady at my side asked me whether I had fastened my seat belt....I said yes and again looked out....my mind was blankly over whelming.....suddenly I heard her asking me, "where is home" and I looked at her , the statement flashed in my mind....home is where the heart is.....and all I could utter was "Pakistan" and I felt that I'll start crying if I didn't say something. May be I wanted to scream, share the grief and I told her that I was feeling sad because of the downfall in Pakistan.

At that time I looked at the book in my lap and then I couldn't resist a smile.....there was a co-incidence again. I was reading "Pakistan: military rule or people's power"....

Just few weeks ago, I was at a film festival watching a documentary about Sikh massacre in 1984 in India. That was very sad and while watching it, I just looked at the book in my lap and I was reading "1984"......is there really something linked? I don't know.

Failures are part of life - everyone says. I know they are essential part but still why can't I just accept them. Why do they leave me in a down state. I failed today - I knew that chances were great for failing but still I am so down, so shattered, missing family, wanting to just go home, hide myself and then cry and cry and cry till it dries. But I know this will be really hard for me to shed some tears - why am I so shy to cry?? Why can't I just cry like a child...oh I hate being adult....wish I could become a child, just for few moments and could cry loudly, not thinking of public and just cry the world out.,...oh wish I could be a child.
I need to speak, shout, scream to let it all out.

Where do they go?

I wonder why people disappear.... where do exactly they go.... Is it not strange?? There is a time that you'll get daily phone call, emails, chats etc. and then suddenly nothing at all!!! And no matter how the hell you try to reach them, using all possible means of communication, you never get any response....I ask why is this so? It often makes me wonder....are they dead??? well sad part of answer is that they are not....they are alive....doing all their daily businesses but are coward, stupid bastards who have no COURAGE to say bluntly that they are avoiding you....but why the hell would one do that?? They don't realize that it's a SIN to USE others' feelings, to play with them and leave in a never-ending mystery.....why do they not speak up?
Oh well, this is the way they are....the worthless silly bases......

My first entry

There is so much in this head, in this heart, in every inch of this soul....all is desperate to come out...but I feel unable to do so........may be don't want to relieve my soul of this burden....why am I so cruel??
Well this is my first entry to this blog.....